Daorceyland

While I appreciate good theatre, ballet, opera, classics in literature and film, independent music and local television, I have a few cultural guilty pleasures. Next time you visit, take notice of the DVD collections: Three editions of the Indiana Jones Trilogy, two editions of the original Star Wars trilogy plus at least one of each of the new films and both volumes of Clone Wars, The Best of the Muppets DVD series, Lord of the Rings extended edition, Futurama: The Complete Series, etc, etc.

I guess the point is that I'm all over some of the most accessible artifacts of pop culture. I can't help it, but I get a huge kick out of Star Wars and Indy (the archeologist, not the style of car or under funded art). If only they could make a theme park for me; one that lets me interact with the characters I've come to think are so cool.

Oh, wait, they did.

Disneyland is more than Sleeping Beauty's Castle, Dumbo and It's a Small World. Since the park teamed up with Lucasfilm in 1988 to produce Star Tours, Disneyland has become a homing beacon for experiencing the films I enjoy. Add to the mix Indiana Jones and the Temple of the Forbidden Eye, and we have two great rides for Daorcey. Not to mention Muppets 3D with a real live Sweetums!

Lego Vader - Just outside of Disneyland

Holy crap! Now I can fly through the Death Star and race past snakes, rats, bugs and a rolling boulder.

To make it even more geek-tastic, Disney is embracing Star Wars even more with a Jedi Training Academy and plans to do an updated Star Tours. Plus, there are tons of cool Star Wars toys in Tomorrow Land from lightsabres to Imperial Blasters to collectible Jedi Mickeys.

Who knew the little girls loved Stormtroopers?

So on our last day there, we made sure we enjoyed the Star Wars experience fully. I put on my Darth Vader shirt, and we got to Jedi Training early. Sadly, we were too old to participate, but not too old to push kids out of our way for a front row seat. I was excited.

Elbows up! Make way for the "adult" geeks, kids.

And then out comes the Jedi Master with his rad light sabre moves and they get 20 "younglings" to learn the light sabre basics. On one hand, so cute. On the other hand, so cool.

Admit it: cool and cute.

And then, in the middle of learning how to thrust and parry (or whatever), who should show up but Darth Vader, Darth Maul and two Stormtroopers.

Darth Maul is hard core.
Unfortunately, Vader's crippling arthritis got the best of him.

Next thing you know, kids are living the dream and dueling with the Dark Lord, himself. One kid was even so good that he broke through Vader's defenses and was accosted by the Stormtroopers. But before anything bad could happen, the Jedi Master yelled out "Use the Force!" and the kid threw up his hand to Force Push the Stormtroopers back against the wall.

I may have freaked out.

Some days I wish I was actually 12 years old... not just acting like it.

Point being, in the absence of a Daorceyland in which I can live the movies I love, Disneyland will have to do.

He liked my t-shirt. Gave me a thumbs up.

The Happiest Place on Earth - Sunday

I was too excited to sleep... which made me restless and very awake when the fireworks went off ("we're under attack!!").

Natalie slept... soundly.

So, when the wake-up call came at 6:30am, I was ready to giv'r and jumped out of bed to shower and get dressed. Natalie made fun of my eagerness. How cruel.

Fortunately, we were staying at a hotel that was close enough to the park that we could easily walk to Disneyland inside 20 minutes. We arrived at 7:30am for a 8am opening. I think Natalie may have been getting at least a bit excited now. Disneyland helps to heighten the excitement and anxiety by ensuring we stand in long lines waiting to get in the park and then they did a countdown until the gates opened.



Relevant aside: I remember one of my previous trips to Disneyland with the family. We in a similar situation: waiting in line until the park officials release the hoards. Once the barriers come down, they are very specific that there must be no running and that you must walk calmly to your first distination. The next thing I remember? Dad sprinting like a middle-aged gazelle toward Indiana Jones Adventure. As I recall, mom started sprinting after him and Arone and I were left to exchange glances and wonder if we'd all heard the same walk-don't-run warning.

Yeah, that pretty much describes how Natalie approached the morning. Elbows up!

While I was speed-walking to keep up with her as she passed through a gate into Adventure Land, a stern security guard reminded us loudly "There's no running in the magic kingdom."

"Yes," I called back over my shoulder. "I'll be sure to explain that to her."

Indiana Jones was the first ride we did. It would be riden 15 times over the next five days. Good times indeed.

So we did rides. That's more exciting for us than you, so I'll spare the details.

I've always been under the impression that it's cheaper to eat outside of the park then inside, so at lunch we were walking down Harbor Bvld when we were randomly accosted by a lady who said "Where are you from?"

"Um... Canada." I've learned that you start big and narrow down depending on your audience. Sometimes Canada is really enough.

"That's great. And how old are you?"

"Uh... 25." We're a bit worried now.

"Hey, would you like to have a free lunch and $100 to spend at Disneyland."

"Um... yes."

And so a free lunch and money roped us into a time-share presentation. You may cringe, but you may not know that a communication degree adds +10 to Rhetoric Shield.

We'd agreed well ahead of time that this wasn't for us, so we both were looking forward to hearing an argument and poking holes in it. Yeah, we're nobody's friends.

Since we're not inviting you to our condo in faboulous Wikiki, you can guess the outcome. It was supposed to take 90 minutes and we extended it to at least two hours with our questions. In retrospect, our salesman didn't adjust his argument to suit his audience (us). For two people who would rather do a tour of military battlefields while staying at a 2-star hostel than lounge in a luxury condo with marble countertops and singing angels and dolphins in the bathtub and micro-brew beer coming out of the taps... um he didn't seem to get us. He might have been thrown off by Natalie's first comment that her dream trip would be to Antarctica and my final comment that our next trip might be to Old Montreal.

It was a bit sad because when we finally said no, it was easy to identify the exact moment when his heart broke in two. We simply did not choo-choo-choose his time-share.

After rejecting him, we had to reject two others to get to our prize of $100 Disney dollars.

Then we got their limo to drive us back to our hotel where we had a nap and prepared for the rest of the evening doing Disneyland. We skipped dinner so we could spend our new-found bounty on clam chowder in the park. With an extra $100 in our pockets, we had no fear of eating in Disneyland, which would mean churros, Dole whip, pineapple, frozen bananas and a number of soups/chilies in a bread bowl.

I use to fear time-share presentations. I fear them no more.

The evening ended with three more hours of rides, the brilliant spectacle of Fantasmic and fireworks. Oooooo...

The Happiest Place on Earth - Saturday

Photos are at Flickr.

We wake up early on Saturday (4:00 a.m.) to get final packings in order and await Ryan and Karissa to pick us up. The Boleys awesomely offered to drive us to the airport at an ungodly hour when those with sense are still sleeping. They saw a bright side to being up so early: catching a McDonald's breakfast. I hope Ryan's agony on the couch was worth it.

Arrive at the airport, breeze through the check-in line as we're going to just take our backpacks on the plane. And then we arrive at American security. Picture a vast room with a high ceiling. Around the walls near the ceiling are massive pictures that represent the United States of America. An astronaut, black children wearing Statue of Liberty hats, mountains, desert, New York skyline. The security officers sit in booths with glass that covers only their faces so I can't imagine what the glass does. We notice a guy ahead of us who looks slightly Middle Eastern and he gets fingerprinted. Luckily, we breeze through with no fingerprinting.

I thought of my co-worker Khaled who was in the States for business. Khaled is a Muslim and he hates going to the States. And he was proven right. He was taken aside into an office for questioning and they told next time he goes on business to have the company provide a letter stating his intentions.

Then we arrive at the actual screening point. People are agitated as they're late for their flight and the line is hardly moving. When we get to the front, we dutifully pull out our pitiful 3 oz. bottles of toothpaste, conditioner, etc so we aren't accused of being bombers. I notice everyone take off their shoes and I do the same because no one wants to visit the office.

Fast forward to LAX. We get off the plane and it is warm. The bus which will take us to our hotel is standing-room only but we grabbed seats. An hour later we're in Anaheim. Our hotel room isn't ready but we got to Disneyland to confirm our passes purchased in Canada do not require extra lining up.

Anaheim has a nifty bus service which takes the tourists hordes to different hotels, malls, restaurants for only $3 a day. We take the bus to the closest mall. We pass the Crystal Cathedral which is considered a tourist attraction but is a giant glass church. I think it's hideous but Daorcey replies it's just an update on stone cathedral. At least the stone cathedrals look beautiful. This glass monstrosity looks like it's waiting for a movie crew.

We eat at the mall at some faux Chinese place because we are ravenous. We walk around the open air mall and buy nothing. The most interesting place is the indoor skate park. We probably see the skinnest kids there.

Then to Vons, the USA Safeway, to pick up food. We walk there since we just missed the bus because we were snacking on a Krispy Kreme donut. Supplies are picked up and we start walking for an unknown transit stop. We figured being south of Calgary the sun would still be up at 7. Nope, it goes down at 5.

Back at our hotel we fall asleep watching TV.

Ads I can watch twice

We went to see James Bond last night. If your first response to that is dissapproval, I recommend seeing. This is the Bond "reboot." More serious, darker, more aware and mostly rid of the spy fantasy world the franchise had created for itself. While it may be a tad long, it was worth the money for the ticket.

Anyway, since I don't have TV nor do I get out much, I was excited to see a few of the ads yesterday played prior to the movie. I love advertising that feels fresh--that feels like it's earned my attention and the emotional response it got out of me. For me, that makes an ad worthy of recognition and a brand worthy of the time people are giving it.

Two ads were shown that are particularly noteworthy.

This was produced by Toronto-based company for the World Wildlife Federation. The mix of music and discordant images really make you think about the message at the end.

The next one is for a first-person shooter video game... but it's noteworthy because it destroys the conventions of FPS advertising. Have a look.



It's hard to believe this is the official ad for Gears of War. Unlike any other advertising for this genre, there is no sound of gunfire, no embedding you in the fight, no shouts from the command post, no screams of the enemy. I love watching this ad.

Ironically, Natalie and I will be renting Call of Duty 3 this weekend. This WWII FPS also had an ad last night that was everything I just described in the above paragraph. It's important to remember that a Globe and Mail review that says the game brought tears to the reviewer's eyes will always trump advertising.

Yeah, yeah, the photos of the vacation will be up this weekend. Hold your horses.

Nerd quotient

I'm such a poseur.
- Daorcey



To be fair, it's more to a technical nerd question than pop culture nerd. But I do have a calculator preference.
- Natalie

Behold! The Tower of Terror

The ghosts of lost tourists from the Hollywood Tower Hotel

After our first experience with the Twilight Zone Tower of Terror, Natalie prefered to snack on mango and frozen bananas while I rode this cool ride myself. I only did it twice without her, but I enjoyed the ride every time. While the drops give it that extra excitement, the theatrical nature of the ride and the details put into everything from the abandoned lobby where you line up to the dark basement where you get in the "service elevator" make it a great ride.

Even the attention to special effects (doors appearing in the distance, the hotel around you dissappearing into a starry night, you and your co-riders turning to shadows in a mirror) make this a ride as super as the venerable Indiana Jones Adventure (we did that one 15 times). I recently read that the bellhop uniforms are the most expensive Disney cast uniforms to produce at $1,000 a piece.

So, yes, I recommend this cool little ride.

The photos from the vacation to Disneyland are coming. They are now on our computer and ready to be uploaded to Flikr and the blog.

How the TSA Stole Christmas

Coming back to Canada from the USA was an experience in security. Don't get me wrong, I'm a fan of ensuring no one brings a bomb in their shoe on board my flight home... but high security is cutting down on the amount of shopping I can do abroad, especially if what I buy needs to be confiscated at the airport.

We were good little boys and girls with our packing. We just brought carry-on, so we made sure we only had toiletries that were under 3 ounces and that fit in a clear plastic sandwich bag of the appropriate dimensions. We stopped ourselves from buying fluids and "weapons" while abroad because we knew they wouldn't make it home.

Yup, we played by all the rules. Except, we didn't count on the Transportation Security Agency (brought to you by the fine folks at Homeland Security) making up new rules.

At Disneyland, Natalie found a cool $10 gift for the Wagner family gift exchange: three packaged tins of flavoured and coloured lemonade crystals, each adorned with a recognizable Disney character.

But at Security Point #2 in LAX, Natalie's backpack was flagged. After going through the scanner twice, it was pulled off by a very serious lady who unpacked it all.

(As an aside, I suspect that's not a fun job. Basically, your job is to rifle through people's smelly dirty clothing all day.)

Eventually, she came to the lemonade. She tried to open the box briefly, but it was taped shut so she simply put it to the side and told us it wouldn't be going on the plane.

"Really? Uh, OK."

In retrospect, we should have offered to open it and test the lemonade crystals, but we were too stunned do anything more than accept that the lemonade was the Christmas gift that got away.

More importantly, I'm glad I stopped myself from saying the first thing that came to mind:

"Good point. We wouldn't want to have a taste explosion on our flight."

And that's how Daorcey stopped himself from getting strip-searched in LA.

Hello from Abroad!

Hi all! Photos to follow when we get home. For now, we just have time for updating with text.

So, for those of you who don't know we're spending the week at Disneyland in California. Yup, that's it... just a laid back trip with rides, shows and food. There's also lots of walking... lots of walking.

To date, we've done all major rides at least once. Some we've done more than once:

- Space Mountain: 2
- Splash Mountain: 2
- Star Tours: 3
- Pirates of the Carribean: 4
- Indiana Jones and the Temple of the Forbidden Eye: 10

We still have a couple of days to go, so we expect that number to go up. There are also a few rides I want to do a lot more, but I have to go without Natalie. These include: Malib00mer, California Screaming, Mulholland Madness and the Twilight Zone Tower of Terror.

The Tower of Terror has been a ride I've always wanted to go on since we missed doing it in Orlando many years ago. Last time the family was at Disneyland, they were just finishing it at California Adventure. This time, it's been open for a while. There's still a lot of interest in going on it, but it doesn't look like there are so many people that it will be a huge line (it's off season now).

Anyway, on our second day, Natalie and I went into California Adventure as soon as the gates opened. We'd just eaten breafast so we'd both agreed that we wouldn't do any "heavy" rides right away. But, while we're waiting to for the part of the park to open that has the Muppet Show (in 3D!) we ended up becoming a part of a crowd. When the barrier went down the crowd was directed toward the end of that section of the park, so we followed everyone. We soon figured out that they were all going straight to the Tower of Terror. A quick decision later and we were following everyone into the ride.

For anyone who hasn't been, it's a really cool ride with a lot of details put into creating an abandoned hotel. We are finally ushered into our "elevator" and strapped in.

That's when the screaming started.

Only seconds later and our elevator is plunged into darkness and we are rocketing skywards and freefalling (three times). It's pretty tense, but it doesn't take long for Natalie to start screaming with the rest of the group and me to start laughing.

Yeah, that was a good time. Natalie won't be doing it again with me.

We have two more days of this action. It'll continue to be laid back with breaks for the pool, shopping and naps. Yup, this is the life.

Still, we're looking forward to watch Battlestar Galactica on Saturday. Tony, fire up the TV -- we have two episodes to watch. (Plus, I need to catch up on Intelligence.)

Sent home from work

In the past two weeks I've been sent home from work twice. That means that over a 14 day period, for two days management has considered me so unfit for active employment that it would be better for everyone if I wasn't there.

To be fair, the second time was because I was dealing with a bit of flu. I looked like poo after coming in for an hour of work that the boss told me my work could wait until the next day. That was nice of him.

But the first time I was sent home was for a less expected reason. The first time I smelled so bad I couldn't possibly stay at the office.

Yes, you read that correctly. And now the story:

It seems I was endowed with a bit of luck and won a slab of smoked salmon in a raffle. My tastebuds and I were excited, so upon receipt of the salmon slab, I toodled up to Tony's place with crackers and cream cheese to enjoy my spoils.

You might call me a noob, but my experience with smoked salmon this far has been quite, um, dry. So when I opened this package of fish on Tony's counter, I was surpised to have it slurp out like an oiled salmon foetus. Fortunately all the salmon-y juices were contained within the cardboard box it had come in, so cleanup was easy.

I went on to eat. It was tasty.

At the end of the evening, I packed up what was left of the fish to go home. The cardboard box was too big to throw away into Tony's garbage, so I brought it home. Realizing it was too big for our garbage too, I propped it up beside the entrace to our place and left it over night.

Apart from the slight smell of smoked salmon in the apartment the next morning, we woke up to another normal work day. I put on my favourite brown suit, my favourite black all-weather jacket and prepared for a great day. On my way out the door, I grabbed the smoked salmon box (not noticing the small puddle of oil it had left behind on the hardwood) and carried it to the garbage on the way out of the building.

On most days, Natalie and I walk together downtown. It's about 15 minutes to the train station where we part ways. Half-way there, Natalie stops and sniffs the air:

"Something smells like crap."

"Yeah, I can smell it too. Probably just the garbage bins a half a block away."

"No, I don't think that's it... oh, baby, look at your jacket."

She found the source of the smell. Day old smoked salmon oil/juice was dribbled decadently down the length of my jacket. Where my jacket ends at my knee, the oily substance was splattered all over my right pant leg and onto my new brown dress shoes. After walking for 4 blocks, I'd already successfully transfered the oil onto my left leg. And now, as I look closer, I can see it's on my briefcase too.

"Oh, that's not cool."

We finish our walk with Natalie no longer holding onto my arm. I'm suddenly hyper-aware of the smell of decaying fish surrounding my. I note that there's some oil on my hand too and I try to wipe it off but only succeed in smearing a greater surface area of stench.

As I enter my building I pray not to share a full elevator.

Maybe I'll just walk up the stairs today. Yeah, that's it, and mix salmon and sweat for a special combo aroma.

In the office, all I can smell is my putridity. I start to be concerned about keeping an oil on my clothing for too long. Is this something they can get out at the cleaners?

I only had to walk into the bosses office for a few moments before he figured out there was only one solution. Through two hands cupped over his mouth and nose: "You need to go home, change and get your clothing drycleaned."

So I was sent home in shame to smell less awful. Ironically, my drycleaner is called Fishman's.

After wasting at least an hour and a half in the unstink I found myself in the elevator up to work. I looked in the mirrored wall at something on my nose... a smear of fish oil. The insult on the injury.