Friday, March 19, 2010

Getting to know the neighbour

We've lived in our condo for nearly three years. And, despite being in a building of 41 suites, we rarely hear our neighbours. I attribute this to both the concrete construction and that we share our half of the floor with only one neighbour (they're across the hallway). We don't hear conversations, TV, or parties. And no one has ever told us to turn down the Rock Band or that Natalie needs to stop swearing at her Halo squad mates. Yup, it's been pretty nice and quiet.


Until the other night.

Let me set the scene for you: It's 3 am on a Tuesday morning. We're sleeping with dreams of sugar plums, Assassin's Creed, and whatnot. And then, suddenly: laughing.

And not just far away laughing, but laughing like it's right there in the next room. The laughter of people sharing a somewhat tense moment leavened by alcohol and fatigue. Laughter that may not be genuine, but does the trick nonetheless. And then it stops.

"I just don't think you appreciate me..."

"Sure I do, baby. I..."

And I'm riveted.

I mean, I've NEVER heard my neighbours before, yet somehow I'm hearing conversations. Sure, I'm not hearing full conversations, but I can clearly make out key words and phrases and that's fascinating. Drama that I didn't know could be shared with me is about to occur!

After a while the conversation starts to disappear. All I can get now is a sense of tone. An argument seems to be happening. She seems upset. He seems frustrated with her somehow. And, after a few more minutes of this, I'm actually rethinking the excitement of my new discovery of being able to hear this particular neighbour. The fascination wains as the conversation disappears and I start to drift back to sleep.

And that's when things started to get coital.

I'm back to being wide awake. Not because I'm interested in the "dialogue", but because this girl is really loud. She's totally rocking the airwaves and he's doing his best to keep up.

Fortunately, after five to ten minutes, the two-person party concluded. But, of course, I'm wide awake again.

You try drifting back to sleep after two people aggressively get it on right next door. It's not easy. And sleep was made even more difficult as the conversation started back up again.

"...the look on his face when..."

"Hehe! you know I always loved..."

The laughter is back. It sounds more fluid. Drunker maybe? Endorphins likely.

And then the sex again.

We're pushing into 4 am as she moves into her second crescendo of the evening. I'm starting to realize that I've been up for one hour because of these two, and I'm beginning to get a little bitter about the situation. Not so much because I'm being kept awake, but more because I'm being kept awake by someone else's sex which is decidedly less interesting than a dramatic conversation.


They finish for a second time.

This time around, the conversation seems less congenial. He seems agitated about something and she's giving off a similar vibe.

"I bet you couldn't..."

"Whatever. I'm really busy.... back at the office..."

"Oh, come on... it's not that late..."

OK. Now I'm confused. It's getting to be, like, 4:30 am. What kind of guy is talking about the office at 4:30 am? What kind of girl thinks that 4:30 am isn't that late? When did I get so old and crotchety? How come I haven't heard these people before? Why am I not asleep?

"Look," he says very clearly, "the guys need me at the office. I should go."

"...but just a bit longer... come on..."

And then they did it, loudly and angrily, one last time. And this time around, no one seemed really happy about it. And while I'm really tired by now, the drama had been upped and I was hooked.

Now it's 4:45 am and the escapades of the neighbouring suite have come to a close. But the climax of the evening is just around the corner.

"Look, I really have to go... the office..."

"No... please... stay... if you don't..."

"What?"

He had asked the question. I had been straining to hear the original statement myself. What had she proposed? Was his question rhetorical or had he not heard her either? Maybe we were both having a hard time hearing her.

"So that's it then?" he asked. "We're breaking up?"

WHAT?! How could they be breaking up? They'd just spent the last two hours destroying my sleep pattern and now they were breaking up? To tell you the truth, I felt a little used.

"Fine. I have to go anyway... the office..."

"No don't... I didn't mean..."

"No, I have to go."

A door closes. Another door slams. And now I can hear the familiar soft rumble of the elevator being called to a higher floor. And he's gone.

"I'm SORRY. I'm sorry..."

And that's it. All I can hear now are her sobs. She repeats her apology to the wall, her pillow, and me. And then she cries. At first loudly and then softer as she falls asleep.

But I'm still wide awake. Shocked at the drama. Emotionally drained by the experience.

It was 5 am. I haven't heard her since and I hope I never connect a face to the voice.

4 comments:

Alanna said...

Wow! That's awful. One evening in our old apartments, at a more reasonable hour, I was greatly amused as a guy and girl had a pretty serious argument about if her answer to a Trivial Pursuit question (or some similar game) was legit. I can't imagine your neighbours being any more dramatic actually. It was pretty funny.

james said...

that might be the strangest thing i've read in a while.

he'll be back. they always are . . .

Nicole said...

So the photo, did you put that up?!

Daorcey Le Bray said...

Sadly, no. That notice to residents was something I found online. Apparently I'm not the only one on the internet to complain about loud neighbours ;)